Fiction: Underbelly by Guy Hogan

Red Hot Chili Peppers is a four part band with...

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My old bass player called me last night. He finally got his doctorate in political science. He’s an adjunct professor in Vermont. I should have asked where he was teaching in Vermont. He’s married with two kids and he and his wife, Tina, are buying their first home. He invited Tina as a friend to one of our band practices years ago. I was there at the very beginning of their relationship. I was the lead singer. The band did original rock and had a real future. But we were the classic Pittsburgh basement band: always practising but never playing out. Well, Dave found a wife and I got a short story out of it. The title of the story was “Underbelly.” I explained to Dave years ago that the story wasn’t about when he and I were together in our band. “Underbelly” was about an earlier band I was fronting where the bass player was an ex-junkie and still an alcoholic and he and the lead guitarist where small time dealers.

The name of this band was Hit n’ Run. During one practice it was obvious that the lead guitarist, the leader of the band, had something else on his mind besides practice. His playing was disconnected. In between two numbers I asked him what was wrong. 

“Hey, man,” I said to him. “What’s up? What’s going on? You’re out of it.”

“My girlfriend asked to borrow one of my pistols.”

I knew he collected guns.

“Your pistol. What the hell for?”

“She said she wants to kill herself.”

The bass player sitting in a chair because he was too drunk to stand chugged another beer. The keyboardist and the drummer waited. For no good reason I said “Check” several times into the live mike.

So that’s what it was like. It’s why so many bands don’t make it. That’s why I titled the story “Underbelly.”

The End

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Fiction: Adult Education by Guy Hogan

Classic ballet-dancer

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How many times have you fucked him? he said.

I won’t suffer that language.

He looked his age, but people said you would never suspect she had two grown children.  This husband and wife sat across from each other at the kitchen table drinking bottled beer, no glasses.  She smoked a cigarette.

What’s his name? he said.

You don’t know him.

What’s his name?

I’m not telling you his name.

Because you know I’d kill him.

Not in a fair fight.  Believe you me, he’s in great shape.

You bitch.

Go to hell.

That’s where I’m at.  That’s where you’ve put me.

Where do you think I’ve been all these years?

Is that what this is?  Is that what this is all about?  Getting even?

One won’t make me even.

The wall phone rang.  He got to it first.

Hello!

Daddy?  Daddy, is that you?

Cindy, this is a bad time, honey.

What’s wrong?

Give me the phone.

I’m talking here.

Give me the damn phone.

All right.  Here.  Take it.  Why don’t you tell her?

Hello, dear.

Mother, what on earth?

The man went to the refrigerator, got another bottle of beer and twisted the cap throwing it in the sink.  He sat down at the table, took a long drink then called out, Your mother’s fucking some college boy!

He drank more of the beer.  His wife finished talking to their daughter, and then she sat down at the table, lit another cigarette, exhaled smoke, crossed her arms and stared at him.

He said, That’s a filthy habit.

None of us are angels.  So, what are we going to do?

Do?  Do?  You have some gall.  I’ll give that much to you.  You have some damn nerve.

I didn’t mean to hurt you.

Oh, no.  Of course not.

He does have a girlfriend.  He doesn’t want her to find out.  He doesn’t want to see me anymore.

From where he sat, the man could see into the dining room and out the big window.  Night was descending and lights were already on in the living room of the neighbors across the street.  No one was in the living room.  A lawn mower sat in the gravel driveway that led to an open garage.  A station wagon sat in the garage and a van sat at the curb.  Both vehicles were late models.

We usually went drinking after class.

Which class?

I won’t tell you that, either.

And to think I was the one to suggest you go back for your MFA.

I’m sorry.

I was so proud.

I’m sorry.

My wife, the scholar.

What are we going to do?

Oh, God.

She crushed out her cigarette in the heavy glass ashtray and lit another one.

You should’ve stayed in ballet, he said.  You could’ve taught ballet.

I was sick of ballet.

You’re still built like a dancer.

I was fortunate to perform as long as I did.

You could have been a pima ballerina.

No.

A principal.

The corps de ballet was enough.  You have to marry ballet and I was already married.

Well, you fixed that, didn’t you?

I guess I did.

She crushed out the cigarette and left the kitchen, the sound of her footsteps climbing the stairs.

He sat in the near darkness.  He got up and clicked on the overhead light and then sat back down at the table.  He had an urge to swipe the five empty beer bottles off the table.  He stared down at the table. 

Now in his mind he and she were young again.  He saw himself walking with her through the hall to the dance studio.  She was hauling the balky dance bag which hung by a long strap from her right shoulder as she walked in that toes pointed outward sway all the student ballerinas walked in.  Sprawled over the hall floor in front of the closed brown twin doors, other student ballerinas in black leotards, white tights and pink toe shoes limbered up.  Some of them wore pink leg warmers, too.  All of them had their hair pulled back tight from their faces.  Soon the studio would fill with the scent of perfume and sweat.

She would find a spot, drop the bag and kick off her clogs while pulling down her jeans to sit on the floor.  He’d sit down beside her.  If the pink toe shoes were new there was the repeated bending to loosen them up.  She would put the flat nose shoes on her feet and tie the pink ribbons around her ankles, the end of the ribbons tucked in because they should never show.  Then she’d stand up.  He would stand up.  There was never enough room to put many steps together.  She’d go through the basic positions.  She’d flex each ankle several times while lightly gripping one of his biceps for balance.  Finally, she would let go of his arm and  go up en pointe to walk around in a small circle taking tiny, very quick and very precise steps with her head, arms and hands held just so, the muscles of her legs working splendidly beneath the white tights…

His wife’s footsteps came down the stairs.  He left the kitchen and went into the living room.  In the lamplight she was taking a sweater from the closet and putting it on.  A shoulder purse sat on the cocktail table.  A suit case sat on the floor next to the sofa.

She said, I’ll phone.

He said, Oh, now c’mon.

The End 

Fiction: Old Couches And Flea Collars by Diane Payne

Abstract picture of a Couch.

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A boy, ten maybe twelve, no older, listens to his mother describe the couches she has listed for sale in the paper to someone over the phone. “You really got to like gold because this couch has a matching love seat and they’re both very gold.”  She laughs again.  “The other couch?” She seems to have forgotten about the third couch.  “Yes, the brown couch. That’s a nice one.  Really comfortable.  I don’t let the dog inside so there ain’t no dog hair.”  The boy is sitting on the brown couch, the couch he’s never found comfortable because the pillows are so large in the back they nearly shove him off the couch.

“The lady says she’s leaving her house in ten minutes,” the mother tells her son.  “I warned her this place was a mess, everything boxed up.  Hell, we’re moving. I hope she buys the couches.  They’re cheap enough.”

The boy doesn’t say anything. He walks outside to where the dog is tied up to a doghouse. He wonders what kind of dump they’ll live in when they move to Arizona..  “Came here to marry your worthless father,” she always reminds him.  “Piece of shit.  I know I shouldn’t talk like that about him, but sometimes you just gotta call a spade a spade.”

Once, when his dad was storming out of the trailer, the boy mumbled, “Good riddance, turd,” and his mother threatened to wash his mouth with soap.  “That ain’t no way to talk about your daddy.”

The boy sees the blue car pull up their driveway.  Rita stops the car, not sure if she wants to continue after seeing the dog barking and yanking his leash as far as it goes.

Seeing the trailer, the dog tied to the short leash, she remembers when she used the online dating service Plenty of Fishes.  It should have been called Plenty of Rednecks.  Her “date’s” truck wasn’t working so she offered to pick him up.  He had five filthy beagles stuck in a tiny pen filled with dog crap.  When he noticed she was picking  a flea off her leg, he said, “You should’ve worn your flea collar on this date.”  That line really cracked  him up.  She knew he had used that line on other women. “Hey, what about our date?” he screamed after she got back in her car and simply drove off.  Ever since her beagle Petey died, she had been dogless. She could handle the fleas, but seeing his sad beagles was too much.

The boy’s mother steps out of the trailer and ushers Rita toward the trailer, far away from the dog.  The boy sits on the gold couch and listens to his mother tell the wonders of the couches.

“It’s got a matching love seat in my bedroom,” she tells Rita, pointing to the gold couch.

The idea of a love seat being in her bedroom makes Rita feel slightly depressed.

“I think I’ll give this reclining chair to whoever buys the couch,” she says pointing to the raggedy chair.

Rita feels sickened at the prospect of taking the gold couches and the freebie chair.

“Let me think about it.  I’d have to find a friend who’d let me use a truck,” she says inching out of the trailer. The dog barks, yanking on his leash, looking even more pitiful than the couches and chair.

“She’s not coming back,” the boy says.

“You don’t know that, Mr. Smarty-pants.  She’s thinking about it.”

“Damn,” Rita curses to herself, pulling back up the driveway.  “You selling the dog?” she asks the boy.

“For real?” he asks, knowing his mother would just leave the dog on the leash when they head to Arizona.  “Let the landlord deal with him,” she warned her son. “He ain’t coming with us.”

“She wants to buy Gomer!” the boy yells to his mother

“Gomer?  That’s our family pet,” she explains to Rita.  “He ain’t for sale.”           

“Really?  He’s coming with us?” the boy asks.

She gives her son a dirty look to quiet him.

“I understand.  I can see he’s a member of the family,” Rita says returning to her car.

“You can have him for thirty bucks.  He’s a good dog.  One of the best.”

The boy remembers when he used to tell his mother that, long ago when he was a puppy, before he was tied to the chain all day and night.

Rita walks toward Gomer and he growls.  She wonders why she’s doing this.

The boy unleashes Gomer and he’s unsure what to do. He starts to race down the driveway and the boy stops him and drags him to the car.  Rita opens the door and he jumps in the front seat as if he’s been riding in her car every day.

“Thirty bucks,” the mother laughs.  “That’s the biggest joke of the day.”

The boy knows Gomer will be better off with this strange woman than being left behind for the landlord to shoot.

“Gomer,” Rita says.  He looks at her, waiting for her to say something else.

 “You need a bath.” He wags his tail.  She imagines him sleeping next to her bed and laughs. “Funny how things work out.”

Gomer sticks his head out the window. Even he knows how fortunate he is that his luck has just turned.

The End

********************

Diane teaches creative writing at University of Arkansas-Monticello,where she is also faculty advisor of Foliate Oak Literary Magazine, http://www.foliateoak.uamont.edu.  She is the author of two novels: Burning Tulips and  A New Kind of Music.  She has been published in hundreds of literary magazines, which most recently include:  Fiction International, The Rambler, Tea Party, and Arkansas Literary Forum.   More info can be found at:  http://home.earthlink.net/~dianepayne/

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