The Use Of Words To Paint A Picture That Tells A Story

Posted on November 26, 2012 by pittsburghflashfictiongazette

Woman As Art

We writers must write in such a way so that the reader “sees” the story.  Because seeing is believing.  This is why the term “show don’t tell” is at the very heart of our art.

And how do we allow the reader to see our stories?  By using concrete sense details.  What do I mean by concrete sense details?

Concrete sense details are words that represent things that the reader can hear (the reader hears dialogue), smell, taste, touch and above all can see.  Concrete sense details are things detected by the five senses.

But just as in real life, sight is our most important sense. 

senses

senses (Photo credit: joaoloureiro)

So, when you use words that represent things that the reader can see, you are allowing the reader to see your story on that movie screen we all have in our mind.  You are using words to paint a picture that tells a story.

And this changes the reader from a spectator into a participant.  Because, once again, seeing is believing.

Show don’t tell.

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Be sure to check the front page for the latest updates.  This is the Old Soldier reporting from Pittsburgh.  The Pittsburgh Flash Fiction Gazette is an online magazine of serious writing and brazen sexuality.

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Writers, A Little Dialogue Goes A Long Way

Posted on September 10, 2012 by pittsburghflashfictiongazette

Woman As Art

Dialogue can do so much for your flash fiction.  First off it gets your characters inter-acting with each other.  And the sooner you do this in a flash fiction story the better.  Inter-acting is essential to show-don’t-tell writing.

Dialogue is one of the best ways to characterize your people.  As in real life, readers will judge the people in your flash fiction by the way they talk.

But remember, dialogue is not just talk.  It is a device that carries theme and tension.  It moves the story efficiently to its resolution.  Dialogue is part of the sound track of your flash fiction.

Well, enough of this explaining about what dialogue is and what it can do.  Why don’t I just show you?  Here’s an old story of mine from the archives.

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Young Married Life

“I want you to do something special for me,” he said.

“What’s that?” she said.

“Masturbate for me.”

“Masturbate?  Why would I do that?  You’re right here beside me.”

“It would be something different.”

“Honey…”

“For me.  Do it for me.”

“But you’re my husband.”

“Sit up. Let’s put the pillows behind you so you’re comfortable and just lay back and let me watch.”

“You really want me to do this?”

“Yes, really.”

“You really want me to masturbate?”

“Yes.  Really.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Okay…I mean if that’s really what you want…Okay…I’m masturbating.”

“Wonderful.  That’s good.  That’s real good.”

“I feel like I’m in a porn movie.”

Several minutes passed.

“How close are you?”

“I’m getting there.”

“You’re such a good wife.”

“You’re a terrible husband.”

“Really?”

“No.  You’re really a wonderful husband.”

“Thank you, honey.”

“Matt, aren’t you going to even kiss me?”

“You’re doing fine.”

“I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“Are you close?”

“I’m getting there.  Yes, I’m getting there.  It won’t be long.”

“That’s my girl…That’s my baby…That’s the wild woman I married.”

“I’m almost there…almost there…almost there…almost…yeah…yeah…yeah…”

“Don’t hold back.  Don’t hold back.”

“Matt!  Honey!  Oh, Honey!  Oh…Oh..Oh…oh, yeah…oh, yeah.  Oh, my god.  Oh, yeah…That…was…a… good…one.”

“I could tell.  You are so bad.”

“I’m bad.”

“Now let’s finish up.  Just stay where you are…All right…Say, honey, fill my mouth with cum.”

“Honey, fill my mouth with cum…”

“Okay, keep sucking…Say, honey, I want to swallow every drop.”

“Honey, I want to swallow every drop…”

“Keep sucking…keep sucking…keep sucking…Sweetheart, say, your cum taste like the honey from the honey bee.”

“I’m not going to say that.”

“Okay, forget that.  Just keep sucking…keep sucking…keep sucking…keep sucking…now swallow it…swallow it…swallow…swallow…swallow…oh, baby…oh, yeah…oh, yeah…oh, yeah.”

He eased down on his back beside her.  She started laughing.  He looked at her and smiled.

She said, “That was hot.”

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How To Write Better Dialogue: Making The Internal External

Posted on June 18, 2012 by pittsburghflashfictiongazette

Woman As Art

Just like real people in real life, characters in a flash fiction short story reveal a lot about themselves when they talk.  Or, at least they should.  In the best flash fiction they do.

There is a good reason that dialogue is called dialogue.  Dialogue is not just talk.  Dialogue is a tool that a writer uses to reveal character, attitude, social class, background, education and all sorts of things that the writer would otherwise have to explain to the reader.

Good dialogue allows the reader to make up his or her mind about a character.  Because just like in real life, we judge characters by what they say and we match what they say against what they do.

So, pay close attention to what your characters say.  The reader is judging them.

Dialogue can make the internal external.

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English: Various Euro bills.

English: Various Euro bills. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello, fans of the Pittsburgh Flash Fiction Gazette in Europe.  The Old Soldier awoke to the good news that the citizens of Greece voted in the party that wants to stay in the Eurozone; but that party still has to put together a government.

And there was the news that Spain is going to ask for help with its banking system.

How long can this go on?

The people in the circles that I move in don’t seem to be paying much attention to the financial crisis in Europe.  Of course, I’m working-class and retired; I live on social security and two pensions.  Still, if things go south in Europe I’m sure that it will impact not only me but millions of other Americans, too.

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underword: flash fiction

underword: flash fiction (Photo credit: piglicker)

It’s an overcast, warm afternoon in Pittsburgh.  Well, the Old Soldier has spent his fun money for the month of June so there will not be anymore karaoke until the first Friday of July; but that’s okay.  The Old Soldier has never been good at living within a budget.  I do have a system though that works within my limitations. 

The first week of every month, when I get my social security and two pension checks, I pay all my bills.  Then whatever is left over I spend it just like I want to.  It’s not a perfect system but it works for the Old Soldier: two weeks of fiesta and then two weeks of abstinence.

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Read.  Study.  Write.  Submit.

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